You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
it's great music for shaving your balls
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize