yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
