I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
