Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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