I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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