In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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