I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
