And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
