After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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