Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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