I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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