so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
