If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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