a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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