Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
