How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
