I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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