if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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