I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
