why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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