Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize
