life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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