Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
