They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
