I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
