Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Soap is not a condiment
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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