mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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