He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
