sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
