Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
