i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
