I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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