she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just had sex on a roof
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
