guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
