If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She even gives head with a lisp.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
