I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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