I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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