Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
