no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
