Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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