remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
