I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
