I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Fuck me I smell like cheese
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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