So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
