i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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