Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
