i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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