from now on my penis is your penis
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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