when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
