Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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